ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
