Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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