Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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