I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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