she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize