I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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