There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize