Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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