I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
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