Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Can I color on your dick again?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
