Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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