I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
