Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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