how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
i think my cat just said my name.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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