i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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