Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
