Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize