She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize