I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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