the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
