i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize