did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
