he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
