I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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