i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize