the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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