I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Randomize
