new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
