I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
