3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
