Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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