Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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