my mouth tastes like poor choices
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
