dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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