dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
