I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Randomize
