trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
