How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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