got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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