No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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