I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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