I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
