The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Every concussion has its silver lining
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
