I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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