Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
