your parents love me but you hate me
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize