It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
