Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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