Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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