I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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