it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
