I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
