Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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