dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
