Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
