Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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