It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I need to align my fucking chakras
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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