Non-Jews are for practice
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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