he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
