don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
you had me at cake vodka
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Vodka?
Forever.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
He has the fingertips of a God
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
