There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
