I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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