She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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