I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
no, he came in my armpit
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
