its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
