Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
